


Lovelorn

by saans



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Dissociation, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, POV Second Person, Pining, Sans Has Issues, Sibling Incest, Slow Burn, also how do i tag lmao help me, itll get super edgy, so tags and warnings will update with each chapter, ur in for a wild ride
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7991347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saans/pseuds/saans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were caught in a rut; A never ending loop of predictability. Everywhere you looked, it was the same pattern. The rhythm of your stride, the steadfast tick of a clock, to the steady thrum of your SOUL in your rib cage. You've seen it all before. No matter how many resets you've endured, it's never changed.</p><p>But there was one break in the cycle, however. Your brother has always been too active, too unpredictable. Papyrus has been the break to your routine. He's a catalyst. The single glimmer of hope you hold on to in a chasm of a spiralling pit of despair.</p><p>And you've fallen in love with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lovelorn

**Author's Note:**

> oh man its been so long since ive wrote something,, ive had a ton of ideas for a story bouncing around my head for a long time, so im glad im finally able to publish it!
> 
> for now enjoy the ride. thanks B)

_You're the only thing I see in sight_  
_I made a vow to never want even a little bite_  
_Of something that is bigger than I could ever chew_  
_Starving the "I do", starving the "I do", starving the "I do"._

\---

Your name is Sans, and it's a Saturday evening.

You slide off the chair positioned behind your sentry station and call it a night. You yawn, partially from sleepiness and partially from boredom. Watching for humans all day sure takes a lot out of a guy. You know there won't be a human arriving any time soon, however. It's not time yet. After going through so many resets, you started to notice a pattern around the human's arrival in Snowdin. You still have a week or so until they arrive, so you're able to relax until then.

It takes a moment for you to stretch and recover from sitting for so long, but then you turn to begin your walk home. Of course, you could simply teleport home, but you're tired and it sure does take a lot out of a guy. You yawn again.

Any sort of light in the Underground had long since vanished for the day, indicating that it was now night time. There's a bit of a breeze, and you can feel the feather light touches of snowflakes rest upon your exposed bones. The cold, however, bites around your ankles and the corner of your eye sockets. But you've lived in this weather for much too long. You're used to it.

You're used to how your slippers compact the snow under your feet and the crunch that accompanies it. In your head, you start to count your footsteps.

_One... Two... Three..._

While you count, your mind begins to drift off. You hardly notice the sluggish movements of your feet across the frozen ground, dragging along at a slow pace. Your slippers feel as if they're filled with lead, each step becoming harder and harder to take. Some of the simplest tasks drains what little energy you have. Even if you wanted, you wouldn't be able to clear your clouded mind. Life feels like it's going by on a TV screen. You're not in control. It's not your life or even your body that you're living in. The only possible explanation is that you're spectating. All you're doing is watching the same old act that never changes, repeating over and over until your mind goes numb with static.

And boy, were you getting sick of this program.

There's no chance in changing the metaphorical TV channel, or escaping the never ending labyrinth of resets. You learned that after the first few resets that it was just impossible to change fate. So you had given up. It was easier to let your mind go blank than to wake up from a dream that never ends.

It wasn't always this way. You too, were once alive, brimming with inspiration and blissful ignorance and hope that maybe some day, Monsters would one day go free. That is, until, with the very first visit from the human, so came the very first reset. Everything was soon ripped from Monsterkind. With each reset, more and more lives were taken. It started with bystanders, which escalated into countless townsfolk, that old lady behind the door, the Royal Guard...

.... and your brother. You've lost track of how many times he's turned to dust right before your eyes.

You don't know how much more you can take.

Your head perks up as you walk by Grillby's and a waft of grease hits your nose. As much as you'd love to grab take-out, your house is right around the corner anyhow. Plus, you know your brother has likely made supper spaghetti for you after your long shift at work. You don't mind warming up a plate for a quick, late night meal.

Sighing in relief of finally arriving home as you walk up to your front door, you fish out the door key in your pocket, pushing it open once it's unlocked. You read the clock hanging on the wall. It's late-- nearly midnight. A plate of spaghetti lays on the kitchen counter, a usual courtesy from your brother when he knows you'll be arriving home late, which isn't a surprise. What is a surprise, however, is said brother sitting on the couch to your left, indulging in a cook book.

And stars, he's... he's beautiful. You'll never get over his looks. He looks relaxed, leaning into the couch's softness with one leg crossed. The light of a nearby lamp perfectly shows off the contours of his face. His face shows a thoughtful, yet confident look on his face, mouth pursed, like he's trying to absorb every bit of information inside the recipe book. He's more than just beautiful. He's stunning, handsome, dare you say, _perfect_. Your brother has this kind of charm that you've come to love, and it's a drug you can't get enough of.

It's a big, disgusting addiction you can't shake off. It's a bite out of the forbidden fruit from the metaphorical tree of taboo, that tastes oh so bittersweet. It's a love-hate battle, an internal struggle you've had to deal with always.

And it's attraction. You desire your own brother, and you can't help yourself but fall for him

You've been staring for a long time now, and wow, it's been getting awkward just standing in the door way. You finally speak up, "oh... heya, Papyrus. i didn't expect you to be up this late."

Papyrus, not having noticed your arrival, looks up and brightens at the sight of you. "OH, SANS," he exclaims, "YOU'RE FINALLY HOME! I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU WOULD SHOW UP."

He pats the cushion next to him, beckoning you to sit down. "heh, just took my time walking about after work today, bro," you reply and take a seat on the couch next to him. You can't help but notice how close you're sitting together; your femurs occasionally brush against one another, and you feel your SOUL fluttering from just a simple touch. You can't help but blush. Stars, you're such a sucker for any sort of contact, it's almost embarrassing.

"SANS, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW LATE IT IS?" Papyrus gives you a small 'tsk' and a shake of his head. "I'M GLAD YOU'RE UP AND ABOUT, BUT PLEASE, DO SO AT A MORE SENSIBLE TIME OF DAY."

"alright, alright, bro." you chuckle and shrug your shoulders. "no need to get so sternum with me."

He glares at you, bearing a strained smile on his face. _Bingo._ Papyrus claims to hate puns, but it never fails to crack a smile out of him. You're positive he secretly loves them.

"GOODNESS SANS, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU," he groans and returns back to reading. You can see, however, that he's trying to hide his smile by burying his face a little too deep into the book.

It doesn't work, and you laugh.

You proceed to ask Papyrus about what he's reading, and he replies with a grin brighter than Hotland that he's studying for Undyne's next cooking lesson. She had managed to snag a true treasure-- a cookbook buried under heaps of Waterfall's landfills while hanging out with Alphys. Inside were several recipes for meals of all kinds. Pasta, soups, sandwiches, even desserts were included. According to Papyrus, she claimed that if she gave him the book to study, then he would learn how to cook perfect meals twice as fast than before. It would be like a cooking lesson with Undyne anytime he wanted, just with less burning and flames.

Your brother is honestly the coolest.

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, and you begin to space out again. You can't stop thinking about how incredible your brother really is. You live in a loop; a world of constants that you've relived time and time again. Things have proved themselves predictable and you hate it. No matter how hard you try or how high you climb, you can't escape the rut you're caught in. There is only one exception, however, that not even the reset can take hold of. Your brother may be one of the many constants in this looping world, but somehow he's different.

Throughout every timeline, Papyrus always seemed to have surprises up his sleeve. In one timeline, where you arrived home at a night exactly like this, Papyrus had busied himself in the kitchen, working on late night spaghetti. In another time, he was enjoying some late night television. And in one particular time, you found him staying up for you, patiently waiting for you to read him a bed time story.

He's too sporadic and unpredictable, and you suppose that's what allows him to break the rules of the loop; everything must stay the same, except the only exception is that _he's_ not. He always finds a way to bring zest into your life, even when nothing changes but him. It's a break in the cycle. It's a change of pace. But most important of all, is that it's different. You've grown too accustomed to the never ending cycle, but just seeing Papyrus be... Papyrus, fills you with something you haven't felt in a long time. It's hope. If he's able to break the reset's chains, then maybe there's hope for the future. There's hope for your friends, your brother, even yourself, that maybe one day soon, the loop will finally come to a halt.

And it fills you with something else you haven't felt in a long time. It's... infatuation. You're stunned at how energetic and outgoing Papyrus is, even when situations are dire. Or how trusting he can be towards anyone he meets. Or how his smile radiates such charm, or how the reading lamp shows off every bit of perfection on his jawline and down his spine... or how damn tight and fine his battle body's black undersuit looks on him.

Papyrus doesn't seem to notice your ogling, which you're very grateful of. If given the chance, you might have just stared at all of his beauty all night-- or maybe even more.

You look beside you, and see that the two of you have shuffled even closer together now. Both of your shoulders began rubbing against each other and you spy left hand sitting right beside Papyrus' free one, just fingertips away from each other. Your SOUL flutters and your face begins to heat up. If only you could inch yourself just the tiniest bit closer. If only you could move your hand on top of his, interlace your fingers with his, and feel his body heat soak into yours. If you could feel every crevice and curve of his phalanges, run your hands up his arms and down his spine and down to his hip bones, and get to know every flaw and perfection of your brother's body, stars above, you might just...

You would be caressing your brother. Your own brother. You would be touching your younger brother in a not-so-family-friendly way without even knowing if he wanted it, and without knowing if he was even okay with it. That's not normal. It's bad enough that you're even fantasising of getting near him, and you feel the immense guilt rushing up to the replace the butterflies in your gut. For gods sake, Papyrus is your _brother_.

You're truly a piece of art, aren't you. You're disgusting. Sick. You're addicted to a drug that you never had in the first place, and yet you want more. No matter how hard you attempt to ignore it, you can't rid yourself from your sins.

Even if you had made your move and held his hand, even if you were honest with your feelings, and even if he were okay with it, what did it matter. This timeline would be no different from the rest. You would be stuck in this rut, and Papyrus wouldn't remember a thing.

It was all going to be reset anyway.

You withdraw your hand and stand up abruptly. Looking down, you walk up the stairs and to your room. It's hard, but you don't dare to take a glance back at Papyrus. You can't bear to face the source of your sins.

"SANS? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" you hear him call after you, and you make it half way to your room before you freeze.

"yeah, i'm... fine, paps, it's just been a long day," you lie under your teeth in a hushed tone. You hate leaving him in the dark like this, but you want to leave and sleep your troubles away.

There's a brief silence, before your brother speaks up again. "ARE YOU... SURE? YOU WERE FINE NOT TOO LONG AGO."

"yeah, i just need to catch some snoozes. i'll be fine in the morning."

"HOW ARE YOU SO TIRED CONSTANTLY? YOU NAP AT ANY CHANCE YOU GET!" He scolds you, yet you can tell it's half-hearted. There's a note of concern in his voice. There's more silence, and you hear him sigh, "GOODNIGHT THEN. GET SOME REST NOW, BROTHER."

That word bounces around in your head, and you can feel the hatred and disgust return to the pit of your chest. Brother. That's all he'll ever be, and yet. Even though he's your brother, you can't help but crave that it were more than just that.

You march towards your room and twist the handle of the door.

"OOOH, WAIT, SANS! I HEATED UP LEFTOVER SPAGHETTI FOR YOU EARLIER, DO YOU WANT--"

You close the door before Papyrus gets to finish, then slump against your door and slide to the floor. The distant sound of your clock ticks repeatedly, drilling its way into your skull. You start to count the ticks.

_One... Two... Three..._

Minutes pass, but it feels like hours. No matter how high you count, one thought permeates through the stream of numbers in your head.

Your name is Sans, and you're in love with your brother.

**Author's Note:**

> the lyrics at the start of the chapter is from a song called Addict, by Cairo! hence the chapter title, heheh, which was my main source of inspiration for this particular chapter.
> 
> ill do my best to come out with another chapter relatively soon. but for now be sure to kudos the fic, comment on the fic, or stay tuned for more fic. im always open to critiques! thanks B)


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